Last night I was in bed and my phone started ringing at 2.40am

I looked and it was my Mum, which was unusual 'cos she normally goes to bed at like 10. Anywho!

So I thought oh God something really bad had happened like somebody had died or something crazy like that.

Anyways, so I pick up. It's my stepbrother, who is vezza drunk telling me my Mum is in a strop with me 'cos I didn't Skype her and that she is drunk and getting lairy and has been sent to the corner at a party wearing a cowboy hat.

Normal.